Grief is a natural response to losing someone we love. When someone we care about passes away, it’s normal to feel a lot of different emotions, and these emotions can be overwhelming. But understanding the journey of grief can help us make sense of what we’re going through, especially during such a difficult time.
The 5 Stages of Grief are a way to describe the different feelings many people experience after a loss. These stages include Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It’s important to know that not everyone experiences these stages the same way, or even in the same order, and that’s okay. They give us a guide to help us understand our emotions during grief.
As we go through these stages, we may move in and out of them, and that’s completely normal. Grief is personal, and there is no right or wrong way to feel. This article will walk you through the 5 Stages of Grief to help you better understand what might happen after losing a loved one.
What Are the 5 Stages of Grief?
The five stages of grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. These stages describe the common emotions people often feel after the death of a loved one. It’s important to know that these stages aren’t a strict checklist. Some people may go through all the stages, while others might experience only a few or go back and forth between them. Everyone’s grief is unique, and that’s okay.
Each stage of grief helps us understand a different part of the healing process. Denial helps cushion the shock, Anger can include feelings of frustration or even anger toward the loss, Bargaining reflects a wish to change the situation, Depression acknowledges the deep sadness of reality, and Acceptance is about finding a way to live with the loss. These stages don’t mean we “get over” the grief, but they help us process and manage our feelings.
The purpose of these stages, introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, is to give us a language to talk about grief. They remind us that feeling all these emotions is part of the healing journey. If you’re going through these stages, it doesn’t mean you’re “stuck” in grief; it means you’re working through your feelings, which is a natural and important part of bereavement.
Stage 1 – Denial
Denial often helps protect us from the initial shock of losing someone we love. When we are in denial, it might feel like the loss isn’t real or that it’s something we can’t fully accept yet. This stage gives our mind a chance to slowly process the overwhelming emotions. Many people feel numb, in disbelief, or detached from reality, which is completely normal and a natural defense mechanism.
During denial, some people might have thoughts like, “This can’t be happening,” or they might act as if their loved one who died could still walk through the door at any moment. This is the mind’s way of coping with loss and can give someone time to process the situation at their own pace. For some, denial might last a short time, while for others, it can take longer, and both are okay.
Denial isn’t about ignoring the loss—it’s about allowing yourself time to absorb what’s happened. It’s common to avoid talking about the death or avoid places and things that remind you of the person who passed away. Everyone experiences denial differently, and there is no set timeline for when or how it will end. What matters is letting yourself feel what you need to feel as you begin to heal.
Stage 2 – Anger
Anger is a natural and necessary part of death and dying. When we lose someone, it’s common to experience grief as deep pain, and sometimes that pain can come out as anger. This anger can be directed at many things—yourself, others, God, the universe, or even the person who passed away. It’s normal to feel like the loss is unfair, and those feelings of resentment and frustration are part of how we process the hurt.
In the anger stage, you might find yourself asking, “Why did this happen? ” or “It’s not fair.” Sometimes, this anger can turn into guilt or blame, where you think, “If only I had done something differently.” It’s important to remember that these feelings are part of the grieving process. Anger is often masking the deeper sadness that comes with loss, and it’s okay to feel this way.
Expressing anger in healthy ways can help you move through this stage. Talking to someone about how you feel, journaling your thoughts, or finding a physical outlet like exercise can make a big difference. Anger doesn’t have to be bottled up—by acknowledging it, you’re taking a step toward healing. Everyone processes anger differently, and it’s okay to take your time with it.
Stage 3 – Bargaining
Bargaining is a stage where many people find themselves thinking about all the “what ifs” and “if only’s.” It’s a way our minds try to regain control after feeling powerless from the loss. During this stage, we might wish we had done something differently, hoping that if we had, we could have prevented the loss. This yearning to undo or reverse the loss is a normal part of grief.
It’s common to have thoughts like, “If only I had made them go to the doctor sooner,” or “What if we had done something different?” These thoughts often come from a place of guilt or regret, where we replay the events leading up to the loss and try to imagine a different outcome. Bargaining can feel exhausting because we are trying to change something that can’t be undone, but it’s a way of processing the reality of the situation.
While it’s natural to go through this stage, it’s important to remember that no one has control over life and death. We do the best we can in the moment, and blaming ourselves won’t change the outcome. Allowing yourself to feel these emotions and talking them through with someone can help you move forward in your healing.
Stage 4 – Depression
In the Depression stage, the reality of the loss starts to sink in truly, and this can bring on a deep sense of sadness. This isn’t the same as clinical depression, but it’s a natural response to losing someone important. You might feel overwhelmed, helpless, or lost in your grief, and it’s normal to want to withdraw from others or avoid daily activities during this time.
People in this stage often reflect on how their life will change moving forward without their loved one. It’s common to feel like the weight of the loss is just too heavy to carry. You might experience a sense of emptiness, wondering how you’ll adjust to life without the person you’ve lost. This stage can be tough, but it’s also a crucial part of processing your grief.
It’s important to lean on others during this stage. Talking to friends, and family, or even joining a support group can help you feel less alone in your sorrow. If feelings of hopelessness persist or feel too overwhelming, seeking professional help, such as therapy, can make a big difference. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help during this difficult time—you don’t have to go through it alone.
Stage 5 – Acceptance
Acceptance is often misunderstood. It doesn’t mean you’re “okay” with the loss or that the grief is gone. Instead, it’s about learning to live with the loss and finding a way to move forward. In this stage, you begin to accept that life is forever changed, but you start adjusting to your new reality. You may begin to build new routines or relationships while keeping the memory of your loved one close.
As you enter this stage, there may be a renewed sense of peace, though it’s important to note that it doesn’t mean the grief has completely disappeared. You may still feel sadness at times, but you’re more able to engage in life again. This doesn’t mean forgetting the person you lost; it’s about finding a way to carry the loss with you while still living your life.
Acceptance can also be about honoring your loved one in ways that bring comfort. You might find ways to remember and celebrate them, like creating traditions or sharing stories. Acceptance is about finding balance—allowing yourself to feel the sadness while also finding moments of joy and peace in the present. This stage is not an end to grief but a new beginning in how you live with it.
Final Thoughts
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no “right way” to experience it. The 5 stages of Grief—Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance—can help explain the many emotions you might feel, but everyone’s path is unique. It’s important to be patient with yourself as you go through these emotions, understanding that there’s no set timeline for healing. Grief can change over time, and that’s okay—what matters is finding your own way forward.
If you find that your grief feels overwhelming or hard to manage, reaching out for support can make a big difference. Whether it’s talking to a therapist or joining a support group, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Healing is possible, and there are people ready to help you through it.
Until next time,
