Have you ever thought, “I always mess things up,” or “They must be mad at me,” even when you’re not sure it’s true? These thoughts can feel strong and real, but they may not be accurate. I hear this often from clients, and we can work through it with time and support.
What are cognitive distortions? They are unhelpful thoughts that twist the way we see ourselves, other people, or the world. These thoughts often pop up without warning and can make you feel anxious, sad, or stuck. In this article, I’ll explain what cognitive distortions are, give you clear examples, and show how they show up in everyday life.
You’re not the only one who struggles with this. Many people deal with these patterns, especially during hard times. The good news is that once you can name them, you can start to shift them—and learn how to think in a way that’s more honest and kind to yourself.
What Are Cognitive Distortions?
A cognitive distortion is a thought that sounds true but isn’t fully accurate. These thoughts are often overly negative, unfair, or extreme in nature. They tend to show up when you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or hurt. Most people experience some form of cognitive distortion without even realizing it, especially during hard times or after trauma.
These thoughts act like a mental filter, changing how you see a situation. It’s like looking at life through dark glasses. For example, if you make one mistake and immediately think, “I always fail,” that’s a distortion. This kind of thinking puts a negative label on yourself based on one moment. Over time, these filters can damage your self-esteem and make everyday problems feel overwhelming.
You might wonder why your brain does this. Often, it’s trying to keep you safe from failure or rejection. However, emotional reasoning, believing something is true just because you feel it, can lead you away from facts and into false beliefs. These distorted patterns might come from childhood, past pain, or habits formed over time. The good news? Once you learn to spot a cognitive distortion, you can begin to change the story and think in a more balanced way.
Why Do We Have Cognitive Distortions?
A cognitive distortion often begins as your brain’s way of coping with pain or uncertainty. If you’ve experienced trauma, stress, or unfair treatment, your mind may try to protect you by preparing for the worst. This can lead to automatic thoughts, quick, usually negative responses that seem to help in the moment but aren’t always true. Over time, these negative thinking patterns start to feel normal, even when they cause more harm than good.
Many types of cognitive distortions form in childhood or during difficult life events. For example, if you were taught that making mistakes means you’re a failure, you might internalize that message and start focusing on the negative every time something goes wrong. You might even engage in emotional reasoning, believing something must be true just because you feel it deeply. These patterns can shape how you view yourself, others, and future situations.
So why do they stick around if they hurt us? Because they become habits. The good news is that you can identify cognitive distortions and change them. Cognitive restructuring is an effective way to gently challenge these thoughts and replace them with more balanced ones. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, low self-worth, or other mental health conditions, learning to reframe these thoughts can be a powerful step toward healing.
10 Common Cognitive Distortions and What They Sound Like
Cognitive distortions often follow patterns, ways of thinking that can feel automatic, especially when you’re overwhelmed or stressed. These thoughts usually pop up quickly, like an automatic thought, and can be hard to notice at first. But once you learn to spot them, you can begin to shift how you think and feel. Below are 10 common types of distorted thinking, along with examples to help you recognize them. You might relate to more than one, and that’s completely okay.
- All-or-Nothing Thinking (Polarized Thinking) – Seeing life in extremes, like black or white, success or total failure.
Example: “If I don’t do it perfectly, I’ve failed.” - Overgeneralization – Letting one negative moment define all future experiences.
Example: “I messed up once, I’ll always mess up.” - Mental Filter – Only focusing on the bad and missing the positive aspects.
Example: “I got one piece of feedback, so I must be doing a terrible job.” - Disqualifying the Positive (Discounting the Positive)—Dismissing anything good as untrue or unearned.
Example: “They said something nice, but they didn’t mean it.” - Jumping to Conclusions—Making negative guesses about future events without proof.
Example: “They didn’t text back; they must be mad at me.” - Catastrophizing—Expecting the worst possible outcome in every situation.
Example: “If I mess this up, everything will fall apart.” - Emotional Reasoning—Believing something is true based only on how you feel.
Example: “I feel guilty, so I must have done something wrong.” - Should Statements—Pressuring yourself with rigid rules or unrealistic expectations.
Example: “I should be stronger. I shouldn’t feel this way.” - Labeling—Using one mistake or trait to label yourself as broken or bad.
Example: “I made a mistake, so I’m a failure.” - Personalization and Blame—Assuming you’re at fault for things outside your control.
Example: “They’re upset; it must be my fault.”
Try asking yourself, “Do any of these sound familiar?” Once you name them, you can begin to challenge them—and that’s where real change begins.
How Cognitive Distortions Show Up in Everyday Life
Cognitive distortions often sneak into our daily lives without warning. You might assume someone is upset with you just because they were quiet or believe you’re a failure after one negative event. These thoughts happen quickly and can feel real, even when they don’t reflect the full picture. This type of thinking can quietly shape your day and your mood without you even noticing.
In relationships, distorted thoughts and feelings can cause tension and misunderstandings. For instance, you might assume someone is mad at you and pull away, when in reality, they were just tired. Or you might take things personally and spiral into guilt, shame, or anger. This kind of mental rumination, replaying situations in your head, can lead to negative cycles that hurt your connection with others.
These patterns can also show up at work, in school, or in how you talk to yourself. You might overlook praise and zero in on what went wrong. Or avoid new experiences out of fear or self-doubt. Over time, these distorted ways of thinking can contribute to depression and anxiety. Noticing them is the first step toward healing—and toward more balanced, compassionate thoughts.
Can You Learn to Catch and Challenge Distorted Thoughts?
Yes, you can absolutely learn to catch distorted thoughts, and it starts with awareness. When you feel overwhelmed or anxious, pause and ask yourself, “What am I thinking right now?” That moment of reflection can reveal patterns like mind reading, assuming you know what someone else is thinking, or rumination, where your brain replays the same negative thought over and over. Just noticing these thoughts is a powerful first step.
After spotting the distortion, you can begin to gently challenge it. Ask questions like, “Is this thought completely true?” or “Am I seeing this in shades of gray, or only in extremes? ”This helps you step back and look at the thought more fairly. If you’re struggling with an anxiety disorder or find these patterns overwhelming, a mental health professional can help guide you through this process in a safe and supportive way.
It’s okay if it doesn’t feel easy at first. Challenging cognitive distortions is a learned skill, like retraining your brain to respond with more compassion. You’re not trying to erase negative thoughts completely, but to see them with more clarity and kindness. Over time, you’ll begin to build a healthier, more balanced way of thinking.
How Therapy Helps You Work Through Cognitive Distortions
Therapy offers a safe and supportive space to explore your thoughts without judgment. A therapist can help you recognize distorted thinking patterns—like black and white thinking or harsh self-talk—that may be affecting your emotions and relationships. These patterns often feel automatic, but they can be understood and changed with the right tools and guidance.
One powerful element of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is learning how to reframe cognitive distortions. Through worksheets, journaling, or in-session conversations, you’ll practice how to spot unhelpful thoughts and gently shift them into more balanced ones. A therapist trained in CBT can help you build the skills to change cognitive distortions over time, making your thinking more flexible and your reactions less overwhelming.
You don’t need to have it all figured out to begin. Therapy meets you where you are and helps you grow step by step. As you practice new patterns of thought, it becomes easier to treat yourself with more kindness and clarity. It’s not about thinking perfectly—it’s about learning to think in a way that supports your healing, health, and wellness.
Final Thoughts
Cognitive distortions are common, and they don’t mean something is wrong with you. These thoughts often come from past pain, fear, or stress—and they can show up without warning. The important thing to remember is that you are not your thoughts. You can learn to notice them, challenge them, and respond in a kinder way.
If you’ve seen yourself in the examples above, take a moment to breathe. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but it is possible. Whether through therapy, journaling, or small daily reflections, you can begin to shift how you think—and how you feel about yourself. Even one new thought can make a big difference.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. If you feel stuck in patterns that leave you feeling low, therapy can give you the tools and support to move forward. You are worthy of thoughts that build you up, not tear you down—and with practice, those thoughts can become your new normal.
Until next time,
