People Pleasers: Why Do People Get Frustrated With People-Pleasers?

Have you ever met someone who always seems to say yes, no matter what? Someone who always puts others’ needs before their own? These people are often called “people-pleasers.”. As a mental health therapist, I’ve seen many people who act this way. But why does this habit, which seems so kind, make others feel frustrated? Let’s take a closer look.

People tend to get frustrated with people-pleasers because their constant agreeability can come across as inauthentic, disrupting genuine connections. Moreover, people-pleasing tendencies to overextend themselves can lead to stress, causing discomfort and guilt among their peers.

So, it’s clear that being a people-pleaser, often driven by a desire for affection and low self-esteem, can sometimes cause problems. It’s not bad to want to make others happy, a trait often seen in those who habitually please others, but it’s equally important to also take care of yourself. People-pleasers, those who prioritize the needs of others, often forget this, and end up feeling overwhelmed. As we continue, we’ll talk more about this, and give some tips on how to help others and be kind to them without forgetting about your self-esteem and needs.

Why Do We Get Frustrated With People-Pleasers?

1. Lack of Authenticity: People-pleasers, who often prioritize keeping people happy over expressing their true thoughts and feelings, can lead to a lack of authenticity in their relationships. They might agree with others just to avoid conflict, even when they have a different opinion. This can frustrate people who value honesty and authenticity in their interactions. People-pleasers tend to prioritize pleasing people over being true to themselves.
2. Putting Themselves Last: While people-pleasers may think they are doing others a favor by always being available and accommodating, this can sometimes lead to inconvenience. For example, they might take on too many things and then struggle to fulfill them all, causing delays or problems for others. People-pleasers often struggle with setting boundaries and saying no to avoid inconveniencing others.
3. Lack of Boundaries: People-pleasers often struggle with setting boundaries, which can lead to situations where they feel overwhelmed or taken advantage of. This can be frustrating for others who may feel like they are imposing or that they can’t rely on the people-pleaser to express their true feelings or limitations. People-pleasers tend to prioritize the needs of others over their own wants and needs.
4. Dependency: People-pleasers often seek validation from others, which can create a sense of dependency. This can be frustrating for people who value independence and self-confidence in their relationships. People-pleasers may rely on others’ approval and validation to feel good about themselves.
5. Impact on Mental Health: People-pleasing behavior can often lead to stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues. This can be frustrating for others who care about the well-being of the people-pleaser and want them to prioritize their own needs and happiness. People-pleasers may neglect their own mental health in their quest to please others.
6. Reflection on Our Own Experiences: Many of us have found ourselves in a similar position at some point, putting others’ needs before our own, and we know all too well the toll it can take. Seeing others engage in people-pleasing behavior can bring back memories of our own struggles, adding a layer of frustration as we hope they can learn to prioritize themselves as we have learned to.

Remember, it’s important to balance the urge to please others with your own needs and well-being. It’s okay to say no sometimes and to prioritize your own health and happiness. Everyone deserves to be respected and valued for who they are, not just for what they can do for others. Seeking help from a therapist can be beneficial for people-pleasers who struggle with setting boundaries and prioritizing their own needs.

How Can We Be Nice Without Becoming A People-Pleaser?

Being nice doesn’t mean we have to constantly prioritize the happiness of others at the expense of our own well-being. Here are some strategies to help us maintain a healthy balance:

1. Practice Self-Awareness: Take the time to understand your own needs, values, and boundaries. This self-awareness will help you make decisions that align with your own well-being while still being considerate of others. People-pleasers often forget to consider their own needs in the process of keeping others happy.
2. Stop Seeking External Validation: It’s important to recognize that our self-worth should not be dependent on how others perceive us. We need to value our own desires and needs. Remember, we can’t control how others feel about us, but we can control how we feel about ourselves. It’s healthy to prioritize our own happiness rather than constantly seeking validation from others.
3. Overcome Insecurity: If we constantly worry about whether people will like us, we tend to overcompensate by trying to please them. It’s important to understand that we can’t please everyone, and that’s okay. Our worth is not determined by others’ opinions. It’s normal to have differing opinions, and not everyone will agree with us all the time.
4. Focus on Authenticity:Be true to yourself and express your thoughts and feelings honestly. Authenticity fosters genuine connections and allows others to know and appreciate the real you. It’s okay if not everyone agrees or likes what you have to say. People-pleasers often struggle with expressing their true thoughts and feelings.
5. Work To Heal Past Traumas: Sometimes, people-pleasing behaviors stem from past traumatic experiences. It’s important to acknowledge these experiences and seek support from a therapist or counselor if needed. They can provide guidance and help us develop healthier coping mechanisms. People-pleasers may tend to be taken advantage of by others due to their fear of conflict.
6. Prioritize Self-Care: Taking care of our own needs is crucial before we can effectively care for others. This includes physical, emotional, and mental self-care. When we neglect our own needs, we risk burning out and becoming resentful. It’s important to prioritize self-care to maintain a healthy balance in our relationships.

Remember, it’s a journey of self-discovery and growth. We can be kind and considerate without sacrificing our own needs and well-being. It’s not about being selfish, but about being self-aware and maintaining healthy boundaries. Seeking help from a therapist can be beneficial for people-pleasers who struggle with setting boundaries and prioritizing their own needs.

Final Thoughts

Being a people-pleaser can lead to frustration from others due to a lack of authenticity, inconvenience caused by overcommitment, and a sense of dependency. To avoid this, it is important to strike a balance between being kind and considerate while also prioritizing your own needs and well-being. By practicing self-awareness, setting clear boundaries, and learning to say no when necessary, you can break free from the people-pleasing cycle.

Remember, others’ opinions do not determine your worth, and it is okay to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Embracing authenticity, overcoming insecurity, and practicing self-care are important to maintaining healthy relationships and preventing burnout. By staying true to yourself, setting boundaries, and focusing on genuine connections, you can navigate relationships in a healthier and more fulfilling way. Find that balance between being kind to others and being kind to yourself, and live a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Until next time,