No matter what your ultimate goal is for recovery, it all starts with a strong foundation. Especially if your goal is to do some personal digging in therapy, it is important that you build that house on a strong foundation. You wouldn’t want to use a beach as the foundation for your house, right? I didn’t think so.
While there are many coping skills and techniques out there, this is a list of actionable skills that you can start practicing today to begin feeling less tense and anxious and to start getting your life back. These are all the coping skills list that you can use to self-regulate and calm down following a spike in anxiety or a trigger.
How to Cope with Anxiety, Cope With Uncomfortable Emotions, and Be More Resilient
No one likes to feel completely overwhelmed by anxiety and frozen in a stressful situation. Sometimes when faced with anxiety, we start to ruminate on the past or worry about the future. That is the opposite of what will help you feel better. To successfully cope with anxiety, we need to become present, slow down, and be in the moment.
There are a ton of healthy coping skills list that can help you cope with anxiety. Ideally, you should try each one and see which ones work for you. I want you to have a plethora of tools you can use to cope when faced with challenging situations. For the people I work with, I call this their toolbox. The best way to face anxiety and discomfort is to fill your toolbox with a bunch of skills.
It is good to have a variety of coping skills lists because, just like in life, sometimes you need more than a screwdriver or a hammer for the job. It is okay to have a few skills you usually go to, but you should also have a few spare ones you keep around. You may need to dust them off from time to time, but that is okay!
Why Is It So Important To Have A Variety of Coping Skills List?
Life can throw all kinds of challenges at us, many of which will completely blindside us or overwhelm us. Because of how unpredictable life can be, it is important to have skills for every situation. Meditation is great, but there are going to be times when you are triggered in the supermarket, and meditation is not an option.
So, it is a good idea to have a coping skill toolkit that has coping methods you can use when you are alone, in public, talking to someone, or in silence. Like in everything with mental health, we cannot control everything. So, if you have a wide range of positive coping mechanisms, you will be as prepared as possible for the unexpected.
A List of Useful Coping Skills to Self-Regulate and Calming Down
In an effort to help you build your tool kit, I created a coping skills list that I have assisted clients in developing and using consistently. These are extremely effective in reducing anxiety.
Like anything, one of the most important factors to success is consistency and practice. Some of these skills will feel weird or unhelpful the first few times. That is okay! Stick with it, and I would love to hear from you with any questions on how to implement these skills in your life.
What is 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Grounding and How Does It Help?
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding is a skill that is all about you becoming present and getting more in tune with your environment. With intense anxiety, sometimes we can detach and dissociate. That is kind of like when the lights are on, but no one is home. The idea here is to bring your awareness to:
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch (how do they feel?)
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
By using all of your senses, you can quickly regain awareness of your body. This is one of the skills I often have people learn and practice if we are planning to work on traumatic content. This skill will help by slowing down ruminating thoughts and then allowing you to be more effective and intentional.
I often hear from clients that this skill is super helpful when trying to get out of ruminating worry or repetitive negative thoughts. This skill is also SO important when triggered, or when people are dissociated. It can help bring awareness back to the body.
What is the “Find the Color” Coping Mechanism and How Does It Help?
Similar to the way the previous skill helped, finding the color is similar. The way it works is pretty simple. Pick a color that is somewhat common. Maybe blue or green? Then identify every item in your location that is that color. Say the items out loud, or just mention them in your mind.
This, again, will help you move through ruminating negative thoughts and force you to be present in your current environment. This one can be helpful because you can use it to ground when out in public. If you are talking with someone, though, it may be best to use a different skill because this one requires a decent amount of focus.
What is the “Finding Three New Things In the Room” Coping Mechanism and How Does It Help?
If you are getting overwhelmed and you are at home, trying to find three new things/aspects you have not noticed before is a fantastic grounding technique. I will do this one with clients, and I always get the “Derek, I have lived here forever; there is nothing new”.
To that, I ask, “How many windows are in the room?” or “What does that tag on your pillow say?” There is almost always something you can discover about the room you are in if you look hard enough. As I am sitting on the couch writing this, I just noticed a painting I have hung is crooked…
Again, this is another form of grounding that challenges you to engage your brain and change what you are thinking about.
What Is Color Visualization (Healing & Release Color) and How Does It Help?
This color visualization is a bit more of a mindfulness activity. It is a mixture of some of the skills in this list. It combines body awareness and square breathing to assist you in lowering your heart rate, finding a calm body, and disengaging from fight or flight.
If you want a full walk-through, I wrote an entire article here. But a quick overview is this: while in a quiet spot, close your eyes and pick two colors, one color that is a healing color and one that is a release color. Then with your eyes closed, bring your awareness to the areas of your body that are tense and need attention.
Now, breathe in for 4 seconds. Imagining that the air you are breathing in is the healing color you picked. Then imagine that it is funneling to the areas that need attention. Hold that breath and imagine the healing color in that area for four seconds, and then breathe out for 6 seconds; imagine the color of the air leaving your body as that release color. Repeat this process for a couple of minutes.
I often get feedback from clients, as I walk them through this activity, that they are surprised by how calming this can be. While you do need a quiet space and a few minutes to do this skill, it can be well worth it.
What Is Somatic Quieting and How Does It Help?
Somatic quieting is a topic I have written about often. You can find the full article here. I also wrote an article specifically for those of you who are healthcare workers that want to be more effective with somatic quieting. It works by targeting areas of our body that have been proven by neuroscience to be the most effective in self-regulation. The three main skills I teach are:
- Ragdoll- Completely and totally relaxes every muscle all at one time.
- Body Scanner- Completely and totally relaxes every muscle the metaphorical scanner touches.
- Pelvic Floor Relaxation- Completely and totally relax the rectangle that surrounds our pelvic floor.
By using these techniques to quiet our body’s somatic reactions to stress, we can calm our nervous systems and get back control over our actions. These skills are SO powerful because you can do them at any time. You can even do them while talking to someone else.
This is the skill I use personally most often. It helps me stay centered, grounded, and nonreactive to whatever life may throw at me. Definitely check out the full article I linked above; I can’t do this skill justice in just one section!
What Is Square Breathing and How Does It Help?
I really should have put this coping skill at the top of the list. It is one of the most important skills you could ever learn. I did write a full article on it here. This is one of the coping skills that is so important because if we can learn to make square, diaphragmatic breathing something we do subconsciously, we can almost teach ourselves to cope subconsciously.
I have spent a lot of time personally practicing square breathing. At this point, when I get stressed, I do it subconsciously; I take a deep breath, hold it, and slowly release it.
Square breathing works because the deep breath, hold, and slow release stimulates our vagus nerve, which physiologically slows our heart rate, lowers our blood pressure, and throws cold water on our nervous system.
What is Body Sensation Awareness and How Does It Help?
Simply bringing our awareness to what our body is feeling is a great way to ground ourselves in multiple situations. When we are stressed or in survival mode, we often detach or disassociate from what our body feels as a means of survival.
The problem is we are not fighting for survival when we are sitting on the couch watching Netflix. This coping mechanism is very simple. Shift the focus of your mind from your worries to simply exploring/checking in with how your body is feeling.
Do you notice your body is more tired than you thought? Do you notice your feet are much more tired than you thought? Are your shoulders always up at your ears? These are all signs that increasing bodily and sensation awareness may be a good way to push back against avoidance and dissociation.
What Is Progressive Muscle Relaxation and How Does it Help?
This one is a classic! You can do different variations of this coping skill in many different situations. Going muscle by muscle from your toes all the way up to your forehead, squeeze the muscle for 5 seconds, and then totally relax it. When I talk people through this activity, I go from toes to calves, to thighs, to the core, to lower back, to upper back, to pectorals, to arms, to hands, to ears (yes, you can tense up your ears!), to eyebrows (this is where my tension resides), to your entire face (you will make a very funny face at this step), then finally your entire body.
This coping skill works because sometimes we can’t realize how tight or on edge we are until we experience that complete relaxation. If you have never done progressive muscle relaxation, it is absolutely worth a try. You may be surprised by the amount of tension you chronically have in your body.
What is the EMDR Safe Place and Container Exercise and How Does It Help?
This is another one of those coping skills that I will teach people if we are planning to do some type of trauma work. There is a lot of power in being able to go to a place where we feel safe. We control that. This activity works by visualizing yourself going to a safe place in your mind (for me, it is in the woods, surrounded by birch trees, in autumn), and giving yourself permission to leave your worries there.
So you will imagine, in that safe place, a container. You need to be able to open it, put stuff in it, and then close and latch it shut. When I do this with clients, a common container is an old chest or a mason jar. Go with what feels right to you!
This skill is powerful because you are giving yourself permission to leave your worries and discomforts here until a later time when you can come back and process them. Depending on your level of anxiety about what you have going on, this one may be a good idea to do with a therapist. If you live in Maine, I would be honored to work on this with you.
You can schedule a free consultation here. Talk to you soon!
What is Meditation and How Does It Help?
Ah yes, the classic thing that is talked about a bunch and that you have been told to do multiple times. I won’t spend much time here.
This is one of the coping skills that is talked about so much because it works. Meditation works by helping you feel an increased sense of control over your thoughts and by increasing your ability to sit with discomfort. There has been A LOT of research that shows meditation has a positive physiological impact on the brain. The brain of someone who meditates regularly is tangibly different from someone who does not.
If you are just getting into meditation, guided meditation is a great place to start. If you are looking for suggestions, reach out and let me know. YouTube is a great place to start. It may take some time, but there are plenty of great content creators. You will find someone that works for you!
What is Yoga and How Does It Help?
Another classic. As you can imagine, yoga is great for our mental health because the ENTIRE idea of it is grounding, increasing body awareness, and finding peace and balance. All aspects promote mental wellness.
Over the past few years, there have been so many great yoga instructors and programs that have become more available. You can find some on YouTube, and now you can even find some on popular streaming platforms like Netflix.
If you have tried yoga in the past but gave up on it, give it another try. I have seen so many great results from people taking up yoga. It is hard to argue with the results. Yoga is so popular because it works.
Final Thoughts
My hope is that you can start using a few of these skills and begin to implement them in your life. If you can add a few extra skills to your toolbox of coping strategies, you will begin to feel a little more in control of your anxiety and less reactive to others.
If you are interested in learning more, I am currently working on developing a course that will go in-depth with each one of these skills (and more). The goal is for this to feel like a one-on-one session with me as you practice and learn these skills. If this is something you would be interested in, join the newsletter, so you know when it is finished. To join, go ahead and add your email to the field above.
If you live in Maine and would like to work together for individual therapy, I would love to hear from you. You are also always welcome to reach out with any questions you may have.
Until next time,
