I think humor is an important part of our lives. If you disagree, you may be surprised. Humor comes in many different forms. Some people are healthier than others. This article will explore why people use humor, its different types, and the key distinctions. We’ll also offer insights into adopting healthier humor practices.
Healthy humor, an aspect of the “healthy vs unhealthy humor” spectrum, arises from compassion towards ourselves or others. It eases tough emotions, helping us cope better now and later. Unhealthy humor, on the other hand, ignores the bad feelings from stressful situations. If humor often leads to avoiding problems or putting ourselves down, it’s time to reevaluate. We’ve all used unhealthy humor; it’s normal. But remember, we can learn to use less of it.
Why People Use Humor
From my experience, the universal reason why people use humor is to make the situation feel better. This can come in many forms. Some humor is lighthearted, some humor is distracting, some is sarcastic, and some is self-deprecating.
All this humor makes us feel better in some way. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t use it. I find myself using all of these at some point or another, but there are one or two that I use more often than the others. Are there any in this list that you find yourself using more often?
No matter what you find yourself using for humor, it’s okay! The humor we are using is what has worked for us in the past. So it’s done its job. It’s worked for us in the past, but it may not be what we need now. But it is still an important piece of staying mentally healthy. So now is the perfect time to work on changing old habits into newer, more productive ones. But like I mentioned earlier, there are healthy and unhealthy forms of humor.
What Does Healthy Humor Look Like?
Healthy humor, a key element in the healthy vs unhealthy humor scope, can come in all kinds of different forms. I could sit here in my comfy chair all day trying to go in-depth. That topic deserves its own post.
To keep it simple, two things are present when humor is healthy:. Healthy humor does not put anyone down and we return to that uncomfortable thing after having used humor. I will get more into the details about this later.
As a rule, healthy humor comes from a place of self-compassion. We are being gentle with ourselves by using it in a way that makes us feel better. I can’t stress this enough, self-compassion’s presence in humor is super important! Healthy humor comes from a place of compassion for self and others.
What Does Unhealthy Humor Look Like?
Unhealthy humor can be thought of as the opposite of healthy humor. Two of the major things that will let you know if the humor is unhealthy are if it includes putting yourself or others down and you find yourself avoiding that original thing that was distressful.
If you take one thing away from this article, I want it to be this sentence.
Humor becomes unhealthy when we do not acknowledge the gross feelings that come with that initial distressful “thing”. When humor consistently leads to avoidance or self-deprecation, we may want to consider making some changes.
Okay, that was two sentences, but you get my point. At first, this humor may feel like being compassionate to yourself. Heck, it may even feel good. But we are creatures of habit. Because it may feel good to completely avoid those gross feelings, you may have found yourself repeatedly avoiding them.
All those gross feelings must be released somewhere. If it isn’t that moment, it’ll be later at the table with your family or at work. When I work with clients, I like to use a certain metaphor to help describe this.
The Beach Ball Metaphor
In case you aren’t familiar with my writing or therapy style, I love metaphors. Humor me for a second and picture a beach ball. The stuff in that beach ball is your gross feelings. Every time we address or acknowledge our gross feelings, we let a little bit of air out of our beach ball.
Now, have you ever tried to push a blown-up beach ball underwater? You may be able to get it underwater for a little (that avoid feelings), but it is super hard to control while it’s underwater. At any time that damn beachball could fly out of the pool. But if we can take some of that air out of the ball (using healthy humor), that ball is much easier to manage.
Healthy Vs Unhealthy Humor: Your Next Steps
If you learned that you tend to use unhealthy humor, it is not all bad! We have all gone through periods in our lives where we used more unhealthy humor than healthy. That’s just part of being human.
If you are interested in starting to cut back on your use of unhealthy humor, here are some ways you can move forward.
How To Work On Not Avoiding Those Gross Feelings
One of the most common reasons people use unhealthy humor is to avoid those gross feelings. It’s okay to avoid them initially, but it’s important to address those feelings later that day.
An example would be when your partner asks if you are okay because you seem a little off. Your response may be the sarcastic “Oh, I am just great! The best I have ever been.”. That statement becomes unhealthy if you never check back in with yourself and ask, “Am I okay?”.
Sometimes we get so good at avoiding these gross feelings that we never feel them in the first place! When that happens, it can be hard to stop that vicious cycle of avoiding.
But you are here, reading this article and that is how you can start to break that cycle. I have found that the best way to deal with unhealthy humor is to address it for what it is. Name it.
You aren’t bad, broken, or dysfunctional for using that type of humor. It’s just how you have learned to survive. By bringing this humor into your awareness, you will be able to start realizing when you use it and how often it happens. Start here, and the rest will come in time. I plan on writing another article on this topic, so keep an eye out for those.
Pay Attention To Self-Compassion’s Role In Humor
Another step to take is to pay attention to how self-compassion is playing into your use of humor. All too often we use self-deprecation instead of self-compassion when it comes to humor.
Words are funny, we all have different definitions for them. The definition I have for self-compassion in humor is humor that is used to soften the blow of hard things, with the intention of returning to those hard feelings.
The definition I have for self-deprecating humor is humor that is trying to make a situation feel better by putting yourself down, minimizing yourself, or minimizing your own needs. We almost through ourselves under the bus. I bet that we have all used this humor at some point in our lives. Again, this is just part of being human. The problem comes if this is the humor we default to.
Can you see how one of these things is “healthier”? Both types of humor are great at helping us feel better about those gross feelings.
You may be wondering why people wouldn’t just choose a healthy alternative. Well, we often do what we are most familiar with unless we are making a conscious decision not to. Because of this, you are in a great place! Just by reading this article, you are starting to make that conscious choice. That is an awesome step.
Final Thoughts:
Healthy and unhealthy forms of humor, important in the healthy vs unhealthy humor dynamic, are used all the time. After we better understand what healthy and unhealthy humor looks like, we may find that we default to a certain one. Some of the ways humor is unhealthy are that it is either a means to avoid feeling feelings or that it is self-deprecating.
We usually default to a certain one because that’s how we have learned to survive throughout our lives. If you find yourself using unhealthy humor, do not fear! It is possible to put in the work and start to use more forms of healthy humor.
Just by reading this article, you are taking the steps you need to start cutting back on your use of unhealthy humor.
If this is a form of personal growth, keep an eye out for other articles on similar topics!
Until next time,
